Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Not getting it all at once....

So today I got super excited about the possibility of getting a house. When we realized that we don't really have money for a down payment right now I was pretty heart broken.
When I was little and pictured being married, I pictured us in the perfect house. Him graduated from college and having the perfect job.
Things would probably be easier if they were this way .... But part of me is glad that they aren't. Having to work for those things have some perks. Going through the times when money is tight and getting him through school grows us closer. Working together and earning these things make them ours instead of just his.
I think I want things now because picturing the future is hard for me. Its hard cause I can't really compare it to those around me because everyone I know seems to be on a different time frame. Some of my friends already have a house. Some of my friends are having babies! Some of my friends are getting married soon. Some aren't even dating.
I guess by looking at this I learn that my time frame is different and no matter how much I want to I can't speed it up!
In my imagination it was easy because I got it all at once. In the real world you have to travel along the path and slowly get things when it is the right time.
So to all the engaged couples and fellow newlyweds: I guess we just have to be patient. I know that is not that easy. I am not patient at all. But when the time is right we will get those next steps. Just be glad that you have the love of your life! The rest will come!!! But trust me you usually don't get it all at once!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

When to lean on them

Another issue I seem to have a problem with is asking for help. Not just with my husband with anyone. So when I got engaged I worked hard on this. But the only problem was that he has the same problem! So when he wasn't relying on me I didn't want to rely on him!
Well I slowly broke down that wall and he broke down his. But now I have another issue. I have noticed that now I think I lean a little too much. Knowing that there is someone there to help out isn't something I am really that use to. So finding that balance is still hard for me.
I seem to be going through swings. One week I dont really ask for any help. So the next week I have so much to do I am swamped and just don't want to do it at all! So than I ask him to do pretty much everything!
This obviously isn't working because it equals way too much stress.
I think one issue with this is he doesn't really ask me to do anything. So in my mind that must mean he isn't that busy so I ask him to do more! Than I remember he has school full time and a part time job! He is quite a busy man.
Sad to say I don't really have an answer on this one. Any advice would be welcome!
So for all the engaged couples and fellow newlyweds: Don't be afraid to ask each other for help. I know it makes me feel more useful. But don't be afraid to admit when you just have too much going on either! Communication is key!!!

Monday, September 27, 2010

Balancing the Romance

How much romance is too much?? How much is too little???
When first getting married I will admit I expected constant romance. I wanted at least weekly flowers and monthly candlelit dinners. When this wasnt happening I felt myself becoming frustrated. Don't I deserve the romance?
Well tonight I realized two things.
First off- My husband isn't super romantic. This isn't a bad thing. It is just him. He does romantic things randomly and rarely.
Secondly- when you have constant romance it isn't really romance. It is every day life.
I like that my husband doesn't bring me flowers every week. I like that I dont expect something. Because when you begin to expect it its just not the same. I love being surprised with a candlelit dinner and a movie. But when you know its friday and are expecting flowers it just isnt the same.
I also have realized that I can romance my husband. Why does he always have to do it? Yes I like being romanced but he probably does too!
So to all the engaged couples and fellow newlyweds: Enjoy the romance as it comes but don't expect it. If you feel like you need it. Do something for him. It will usually motivate him to do something back!

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Proper Tv Mom or guys friend????

So when I first got married I tried to be proper and poised all the time. I think this was just because that is how you saw it on tv. And I wasn't quite sure how else to do i t! But after two months (well one day short of two months) it has gotten tiring! But the problem is a happy medium!
You see when you have guy friends they think burping and all that guy stuff is hilarious. But the problem is I'm not Jonny's guy friend. I am his wife. So I think I am held to a different standard. Not that that is a bad thing!!!
So where is the inbetween ground between being a proper tv wife and being a guy friend???
Well since no two guys are the same there is no correct answer. I think this is where that trial and error process comes in to play! For now I am just trying things I am comfortable with and going from there!
For those that are engaged or to the fellow newlyweds: Don't expect to have this all figured out. But don't expect too much out of your spouse or yourself!! Eventaully you will be around each other so much you will just be comfortable and figure out your proper balance.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Trying to be the perfect wife

When I first got married it was easy to do all the wifey things. Because I wanted my husband (and everyone else) to think that I was the perfect wife.
At first everything went amazing. Then I realized I had no clue how to be a perfect wife. I am new at it! I worked really hard to do all the things you did when you were little and playing house.
Slowly my motivation and my perfect wife act was slipping.,.....
But you know what I dont have to be perfect. It is hard to admit that but its true. Jonny married me for me not for this perfect wife I was trying to become. Once I realized this it became alot easier to clean the apartment because now I don't feel like I'm doing it for others. I am doing it for me. I love coming home to a nice clean home and I love the look on my husbands face when he comes home to a clean place.
So to all the other newly weds or the engaged people don't worry about being perfect. No one expects you to be! Be yourself and you will save yourself so much stress!!!